1
00:00:01,894 --> 00:00:03,344
Tle-known fact.
2
00:00:03,412 --> 00:00:05,612
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
3
00:00:11,904 --> 00:00:14,571
So, Chuck, how's the,
uh, job search going, huh?
4
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,172
I got something,
Sam, but I'm not
5
00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:17,675
too excited about it.
6
00:00:17,743 --> 00:00:21,228
I'm a janitor at a biology lab
where they do DNA experiments...
7
00:00:21,297 --> 00:00:23,864
You know, making
mutant viruses and stuff.
8
00:00:23,932 --> 00:00:25,710
Well, that sounds
like a pretty good job.
9
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,550
I don't know. It makes
me nervous, you know,
10
00:00:27,619 --> 00:00:29,119
all that weird stuff
floating around.
11
00:00:29,188 --> 00:00:30,966
Don't worry about
it... I'm sure it's safe.
12
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,868
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
They take all
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00:00:32,892 --> 00:00:33,924
the right precautions.
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Yeah, no problem.
15
00:00:34,977 --> 00:00:36,043
I guess you're right.
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00:00:36,112 --> 00:00:37,844
Must be getting a
little paranoid, huh?
17
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,313
Yeah.
18
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You know, I feel better already.
19
00:00:42,468 --> 00:00:43,383
See you later.
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00:00:43,451 --> 00:00:44,785
Yeah. Take care, Chuck.
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♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
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00:01:06,391 --> 00:01:09,425
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
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00:01:09,494 --> 00:01:12,129
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
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00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,565
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
25
00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:20,921
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
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00:01:20,989 --> 00:01:23,890
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
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00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:29,446
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
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00:01:29,515 --> 00:01:34,118
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
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♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
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♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
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♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
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00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:47,064
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
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00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:49,599
♪ People are all the same ♪
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00:01:49,668 --> 00:01:53,570
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURES
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00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,667
Last week on Cheers...
37
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:10,687
Interesting, interesting.
38
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:12,539
That was Sam's brother.
39
00:02:12,608 --> 00:02:14,308
He's on his way over.
40
00:02:14,376 --> 00:02:15,776
He hates him.
41
00:02:15,845 --> 00:02:17,789
The guy's better at
everything than I am.
42
00:02:17,813 --> 00:02:18,962
I mean, he-he's perfect.
43
00:02:19,031 --> 00:02:21,014
Ooh, nice voice... who is that?
44
00:02:21,082 --> 00:02:22,249
Guess.
45
00:02:22,318 --> 00:02:25,652
Your brother is one
good-looking guy.
46
00:02:25,721 --> 00:02:27,420
The guy did get me a job.
47
00:02:27,489 --> 00:02:28,800
Norm, Norm, come on, hurry up.
48
00:02:28,824 --> 00:02:30,685
He's going to do some
tap dancing for us.
49
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,387
Your brother's
teaching me Spanish.
50
00:02:32,411 --> 00:02:34,410
You think Diane likes Derek?
51
00:02:34,479 --> 00:02:36,813
I don't know, Sam... I'll
pass her a note in Gym.
52
00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:38,898
He's just a man
like any other man
53
00:02:38,968 --> 00:02:40,900
you'd meet in Greek mythology.
54
00:02:43,923 --> 00:02:48,925
Derek just wants to fly me
out to Martha's Vineyard tonight.
55
00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:50,994
In a plane or on his back?
56
00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:56,011
Whatever you and
my brother Derek
57
00:02:56,035 --> 00:02:57,601
want to do is okay with me.
58
00:02:57,669 --> 00:02:58,785
I don't care.
59
00:02:58,854 --> 00:03:00,115
I'd rather stay with you.
60
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,071
What?
61
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:03,040
What'd you say?
62
00:03:03,109 --> 00:03:05,392
I didn't hear anything?
63
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,325
Is Diane about to
fall for Sam's brother?
64
00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:12,816
Will Sam's heart be broken?
65
00:03:14,203 --> 00:03:16,198
Will Norm find
happiness in his new job?
66
00:03:17,673 --> 00:03:20,023
Will Coach return to
coaching in Venezuela?
67
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,454
Will Carl Yastrzemski
please call Cheers
68
00:03:23,478 --> 00:03:24,945
and ask for "the spitfire"?
69
00:03:39,311 --> 00:03:42,495
Well, well, Coach, it's
just clear we've reached
70
00:03:42,564 --> 00:03:44,364
a philosophical impasse here
71
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,533
you know, much like the question
72
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,768
of the tree falling
in the woods.
73
00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,687
The what?
74
00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:53,773
The tree falling in the woods.
75
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:55,359
Oh.
76
00:03:55,427 --> 00:03:58,094
The question is, if a
tree falls in the woods
77
00:03:58,163 --> 00:04:00,396
and if there's
nobody there to hear it
78
00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,766
does it a sound?
79
00:04:02,835 --> 00:04:06,386
Well, if there's nobody there, I
mean, how do you know it fell?
80
00:04:12,744 --> 00:04:14,378
Uh, well, Coach, we gotta assume
81
00:04:14,446 --> 00:04:15,628
that it fell, you know.
82
00:04:15,697 --> 00:04:16,863
Yeah, but you don't know.
83
00:04:16,932 --> 00:04:17,965
All right. Okay, Coach.
84
00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:19,799
I went into the woods yesterday
85
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:22,469
and saw the tree laying
there on the ground.
86
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:25,538
Well, a bunch of beavers
could have chewed at it
87
00:04:25,607 --> 00:04:28,708
and then gently lowered
it to the ground, Cliff.
88
00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:31,889
Uh, well, you, you got me
there on that one, Coach.
89
00:04:31,913 --> 00:04:33,113
How about another beer, huh?
90
00:04:33,181 --> 00:04:35,410
I'm telling you, you
surprise me, Cliff.
91
00:04:35,434 --> 00:04:37,834
You're not prepared
at all tonight.
92
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,570
Yeah, well, I, uh, fell asleep
93
00:04:39,638 --> 00:04:41,371
while I was going over my notes
94
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,491
preparing for our
conversation today, Coach.
95
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,859
Oh, you do that, too, huh?
96
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:55,847
Coach!
97
00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:57,287
Where's Diane today?
98
00:04:57,356 --> 00:04:58,521
It's her day off.
99
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,857
She must be out with Derek.
100
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,836
She's been out with
him every day. I see.
101
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:04,494
You know, I am sick
of hearing about her.
102
00:05:04,563 --> 00:05:08,498
Ever since Lady Dye-Job
arrived, she gets all the attention.
103
00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:10,533
Nobody cares about me anymore.
104
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:13,203
Nobody asks what
Carla is doing anymore.
105
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:15,322
Aw...
106
00:05:15,391 --> 00:05:18,292
Carla, Carla, come on
now, be fair, you know.
107
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,037
We weren't that interested
108
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:22,381
in your life before
she got here.
109
00:05:27,253 --> 00:05:28,885
Well, Sam, thanks again.
110
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,319
Yeah, uh... thank you
111
00:05:30,388 --> 00:05:31,465
for dropping me off.
112
00:05:31,489 --> 00:05:33,418
You sure you can't
come in for a drink?
113
00:05:33,442 --> 00:05:36,176
Oh, I'd love to, but
I'm in kind of a hurry.
114
00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:39,745
Oh, hey, uh...
115
00:05:39,814 --> 00:05:43,350
I'm sorry I shrieked
the wrong name.
116
00:05:43,418 --> 00:05:44,750
That's okay.
117
00:05:48,256 --> 00:05:50,006
Hi, everyone.
118
00:05:50,075 --> 00:05:51,452
Hey, Sam.
119
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,561
Sammy, Sammy, oh, my, my, Sammy.
120
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:57,397
Hey, uh, Sammy,
tell me true, now.
121
00:05:57,465 --> 00:06:00,367
Not only did that gorgeous-
looking girl go out with you,
122
00:06:00,435 --> 00:06:01,596
she also drove?
123
00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:03,603
No, she didn't drive,
she carried me.
124
00:06:06,374 --> 00:06:07,523
Hey, Sam.
125
00:06:07,592 --> 00:06:08,992
I'm proud of you.
126
00:06:09,061 --> 00:06:11,161
You took my little wimp
speech to heart there.
127
00:06:11,229 --> 00:06:13,129
It's great to see you
back in action again.
128
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:14,793
Yeah, I want to
thank you for that.
129
00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:17,317
Took my mind off my brother
and your skinny coworker.
130
00:06:17,386 --> 00:06:20,320
I don't even care
where they are anymore.
131
00:06:20,389 --> 00:06:22,555
Where are they?
132
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:25,792
Well, Bobby and Suzy
saw them at the drive-in
133
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:28,195
sharing a cherry coke and fries.
134
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:31,748
Afternoon, everybody.
135
00:06:31,817 --> 00:06:33,466
Hey, Norm!
136
00:06:33,535 --> 00:06:35,068
How you doing, Norm?
137
00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:37,537
Coach, I'm on top of the world.
138
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,918
It's a dismal spot in
Greenland somewhere.
139
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:43,627
How's your new job coming, Norm?
140
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:44,789
Don't bring that up.
141
00:06:44,813 --> 00:06:45,879
What?
142
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,325
I am no longer in the employ
143
00:06:47,349 --> 00:06:49,127
of Goldstein, Borman
and Kawakami.
144
00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:50,633
What happened?
145
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:53,163
I discovered that so-called
"medical corporation"
146
00:06:53,187 --> 00:06:55,433
was a polite term
for "den of thieves."
147
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,024
They're in the business
of cheating on taxes.
148
00:06:58,093 --> 00:06:59,520
Oh, yeah, so you
149
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,027
resigned in protest, huh, Norm?
150
00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:03,416
Well, I took a long lunch
and they canned me.
151
00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,150
The last angry man.
152
00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:09,214
Damn right I'm angry, Sammy.
153
00:07:09,238 --> 00:07:11,838
Those are rich people
cheating on taxes
154
00:07:11,907 --> 00:07:13,852
and who has to foot the bill?
155
00:07:13,876 --> 00:07:15,686
Honest folks... like me and you
156
00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:18,111
and all you nice
people here at the bar
157
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,700
that I've listed as
my dependents.
158
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,912
So, uh, where is Diane today?
159
00:07:24,936 --> 00:07:27,382
She's not out with
Derek again, is she?
160
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,638
Another concert.
161
00:07:28,707 --> 00:07:30,607
I don't believe it.
162
00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:32,320
Hey, hey.
163
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:33,710
Hey, what happened to all
164
00:07:33,779 --> 00:07:35,895
the interesting talk
around here, huh?
165
00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:37,997
I mean, I used to
enjoy coming in here
166
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:40,433
and listening to a
good conversation.
167
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,168
Now there's so much gossip
168
00:07:42,237 --> 00:07:44,988
you should all have
dryers on your heads.
169
00:07:47,659 --> 00:07:48,992
I'm going to be in the office.
170
00:07:49,061 --> 00:07:49,993
Okay, Sam.
171
00:07:50,062 --> 00:07:51,342
So what'll you have?
172
00:07:51,379 --> 00:07:52,812
I'll have a cup of tea.
173
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,747
And I'll have a small sherry.
174
00:07:54,816 --> 00:07:56,060
Okay.
175
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,250
Now...
176
00:07:57,319 --> 00:07:59,069
that sounds nice.
177
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:01,471
Sherry sounds very nice
178
00:08:01,539 --> 00:08:04,040
and it is late afternoon.
179
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,792
I think I'll have a glass
of sherry, too, please.
180
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,977
Two sherries.
181
00:08:08,046 --> 00:08:09,446
Uh, make that...
182
00:08:09,514 --> 00:08:13,116
a glass of wine... white wine.
183
00:08:13,185 --> 00:08:14,351
Wine.
184
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:17,421
I haven't had a
glass of wine in ages.
185
00:08:17,489 --> 00:08:18,888
Is your wine dry?
186
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,140
Yeah, it's okay.
187
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,436
Then give me some wine, too.
188
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:22,740
Two wines.
189
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:26,546
You know what sounds like
fun to me all of a sudden?
190
00:08:26,615 --> 00:08:27,747
What?
191
00:08:27,816 --> 00:08:28,948
A beer.
192
00:08:29,017 --> 00:08:32,118
I haven't had a beer
since I don't know when.
193
00:08:32,187 --> 00:08:35,555
I used to have half
a beer on a hot day.
194
00:08:35,623 --> 00:08:38,324
Well, it's quite cold out today.
195
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:41,928
Then put a shot of whisky
with it and it's perfect.
196
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,399
Two boilermakers,
Wild Turkey and Bud.
197
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,155
I'll run a tab.
198
00:08:52,223 --> 00:08:53,422
Good.
199
00:08:55,427 --> 00:08:57,761
Ah, que lastima.
200
00:08:59,781 --> 00:09:01,058
What's wrong, Coach?
201
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,099
Oh, I didn't get the
job in Venezuela.
202
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,434
They hired another guy.
203
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:05,763
Oh, geez. Well,
what's the matter?
204
00:09:05,787 --> 00:09:07,420
They didn't like
your Spanish, or...?
205
00:09:07,488 --> 00:09:09,288
No, no, the Spanish was fine.
206
00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:12,158
They didn't like my English.
207
00:09:12,227 --> 00:09:14,644
See, that's too bad, Coach.
208
00:09:14,712 --> 00:09:15,645
Sorry, Coach.
209
00:09:15,713 --> 00:09:17,713
Well, que so what, so what?
210
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:25,455
Hello, everyone.
211
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:26,439
Oh, hi, Diane.
212
00:09:26,507 --> 00:09:27,674
Hi, Diane.
213
00:09:27,743 --> 00:09:29,975
What are you doing
here? It's your day off.
214
00:09:30,044 --> 00:09:32,229
Oh, I just felt like I
needed to be in a place
215
00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:33,796
where I had a few friends today.
216
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,565
So, that's your next stop?
217
00:09:38,337 --> 00:09:40,803
Not today, Carla, please.
218
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,588
What can I get you, honey?
219
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:43,523
I'll have a soda water.
220
00:09:43,592 --> 00:09:44,474
Oh.
221
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:45,758
You know what, Coach?
222
00:09:45,827 --> 00:09:47,359
You never take a day off.
223
00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:49,312
No, Thursday's my day off.
224
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,298
You work every Thursday.
225
00:09:51,366 --> 00:09:55,000
Yeah, but I go a little
slower, you know.
226
00:09:55,069 --> 00:09:57,654
So, tell me, how you doing?
227
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,789
Not very well.
228
00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:00,890
Well, what is it?
229
00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:03,626
It's Derek.
230
00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:05,044
Well, what about him?
231
00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:10,667
He's flying to Paris today,
and he wants me to go with him.
232
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,036
He's a charming man, Coach.
233
00:10:13,104 --> 00:10:15,338
He's everything
I've been looking for.
234
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,840
And I think he's
interested in me, too.
235
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:21,261
Gee, what a lousy break.
236
00:10:23,549 --> 00:10:25,599
Well, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Diane.
237
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:26,699
Maybe it's good.
238
00:10:26,768 --> 00:10:27,717
Oh, it is good.
239
00:10:27,785 --> 00:10:29,013
I'll tell you why.
240
00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:30,999
The-the second I
looked at you and Derek,
241
00:10:31,023 --> 00:10:33,016
I said, "Now, there
goes a cute couple."
242
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,507
Yeah.
243
00:10:36,311 --> 00:10:37,677
What about Sam?
244
00:10:37,746 --> 00:10:42,298
Well, Sam and Derek
are a little cuter, yeah...
245
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,502
Coach, let me
ask you a question.
246
00:10:45,571 --> 00:10:47,420
Diane, you're asking a guy
247
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:50,724
who's taken a lot of
fastballs in the head.
248
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,694
You sure you want
to ask the question?
249
00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:57,563
Coach, do you think
I'm a smart person?
250
00:10:57,632 --> 00:10:59,999
You're the smartest
person I ever met.
251
00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:02,002
Well, I, Diane Chambers...
252
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,904
Bred and educated
to walk with kings,
253
00:11:04,973 --> 00:11:08,775
once offered a full
scholarship at the Sorbonne...
254
00:11:08,844 --> 00:11:10,944
Have allowed myself
to become attracted
255
00:11:11,013 --> 00:11:13,312
to a six-foot, three-inch
bubblegum card.
256
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:16,961
Well, gee, I think
I can help you
257
00:11:16,985 --> 00:11:18,885
with the sore
buns, Diane, but...
258
00:11:22,156 --> 00:11:26,009
You know, the rest of what
you say is all over my head.
259
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:28,878
Coach, I'm making
a confession here.
260
00:11:28,947 --> 00:11:31,481
Not just to you, but to myself.
261
00:11:31,549 --> 00:11:34,701
Maybe I'll feel
better after I say this.
262
00:11:34,769 --> 00:11:36,569
I...
263
00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:38,070
I...
264
00:11:38,139 --> 00:11:40,106
I get it, I got it.
265
00:11:40,175 --> 00:11:42,575
You're hot for Sam's chili.
266
00:11:42,644 --> 00:11:45,812
I think Keats would
have said it differently.
267
00:11:47,683 --> 00:11:48,948
But I'll accept that.
268
00:11:49,017 --> 00:11:51,117
Look, Diane, if
you like Sam at all,
269
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:53,870
I don't understand
what the problem is here.
270
00:11:53,939 --> 00:11:56,105
Derek's making a commitment.
271
00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,009
All I ever get from Sam
is adolescent flirtation.
272
00:12:00,078 --> 00:12:02,311
I'm not sticking
around for that.
273
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:05,849
If he'd give me something...
Anything... I'd stay.
274
00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:09,452
Diane, Diane, you-you
don't understand Sam.
275
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,554
Sam's the kind of
a guy, you know,
276
00:12:11,622 --> 00:12:13,657
he keeps his
feelings to himself.
277
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,165
I mean, the more
he, the more he cares
278
00:12:16,211 --> 00:12:18,695
about something,
the less he shows it.
279
00:12:18,763 --> 00:12:20,930
I've been with him
through his divorce,
280
00:12:20,999 --> 00:12:23,850
through his boozing,
through the end of his career.
281
00:12:23,918 --> 00:12:25,651
And let me tell you something,
282
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,554
the tougher things got, I
mean, the cooler he got.
283
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:29,851
You know something?
284
00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,168
It's a damn sure bet
285
00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:33,693
that if he's not
expressing himself to you,
286
00:12:33,762 --> 00:12:34,994
he's nuts about you.
287
00:12:36,147 --> 00:12:38,247
Or he couldn't care less.
288
00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:43,753
Diane, uh, do you
mind if I say something?
289
00:12:43,822 --> 00:12:45,689
Of course not, Norman.
290
00:12:45,757 --> 00:12:48,841
Sometimes, a man and a woman
291
00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:51,144
are so afraid of being
vulnerable to rejection
292
00:12:51,212 --> 00:12:53,646
that neither one of them
will take the first step
293
00:12:53,714 --> 00:12:55,381
of admitting
their true feelings.
294
00:12:56,952 --> 00:12:58,551
Norman, that's beautiful.
295
00:12:59,787 --> 00:13:02,989
I do have a
romantic side, Diane.
296
00:13:03,057 --> 00:13:06,025
I know I make a lot
of jokes about Vera,
297
00:13:06,094 --> 00:13:07,760
but, uh, the truth is,
298
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,397
if that woman ever packed
her bags and left me,
299
00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:13,566
I don't know what I'd do...
300
00:13:13,635 --> 00:13:15,168
first.
301
00:13:22,827 --> 00:13:26,045
Well, I guess I have no
choice but to force the issue.
302
00:13:26,114 --> 00:13:27,212
Where's Sam?
303
00:13:27,281 --> 00:13:28,598
He's in the office, honey.
304
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:31,133
I'll tell him I'm going
away with his brother,
305
00:13:31,203 --> 00:13:32,618
and we'll see what he does.
306
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,904
If, for the first time
in his life he's honest
307
00:13:34,973 --> 00:13:37,118
and doesn't hide behind
that tough jock facade,
308
00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:38,208
I'll stay.
309
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,853
But if he does
one of his blithe,
310
00:13:39,877 --> 00:13:41,744
gratuitous jokes, I'm leaving.
311
00:13:41,813 --> 00:13:42,978
I swear it.
312
00:13:43,047 --> 00:13:44,224
Ho, ho, ho. Wait a minute.
313
00:13:44,248 --> 00:13:45,826
Whoa, Diane,
Diane. Whoa, hold on!
314
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,950
I mean, you're putting
your whole future
315
00:13:48,019 --> 00:13:49,919
on the line in this
one moment here.
316
00:13:49,987 --> 00:13:53,022
Y-You're letting your whole
life turn on this one response?
317
00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:54,268
Well, you're right.
318
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,293
Can it wait till I
go to the head?
319
00:13:57,362 --> 00:13:58,727
No.
320
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,064
Oh, I'll hear about it.
321
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:05,151
Coach? Coach? What
did you do that for?
322
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,352
That was our chance
323
00:14:06,421 --> 00:14:08,621
to get rid of her,
once and for all.
324
00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:10,356
Are you crazy?
325
00:14:10,425 --> 00:14:12,558
Crazy, Carla?
326
00:14:12,627 --> 00:14:14,760
Crazy like a doorknob.
327
00:14:21,169 --> 00:14:24,003
Oh, hi, Diane.
328
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,605
Sam, your brother,
Derek, has asked me
329
00:14:26,675 --> 00:14:30,409
to go to Europe with him,
so I've come to say good-bye.
330
00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:31,744
Damn it.
331
00:14:31,813 --> 00:14:33,357
I didn't need to hear that.
332
00:14:33,381 --> 00:14:35,181
What? What's wrong?
333
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,683
Well, it's too late
334
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:40,235
to put a help want ad
in tomorrow's paper.
335
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:47,560
Good-bye, everyone!
336
00:14:47,629 --> 00:14:49,996
I'm leaving now.
337
00:14:50,065 --> 00:14:52,132
I'll miss you all very much.
338
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,266
Bye, Diane.
339
00:14:53,335 --> 00:14:55,235
Bye!
340
00:14:55,303 --> 00:14:56,769
Bye-bye.
341
00:15:03,544 --> 00:15:04,621
Sorry, honey.
342
00:15:04,645 --> 00:15:06,223
I'm not interviewing
till Monday.
343
00:15:06,247 --> 00:15:07,513
Get this straight.
344
00:15:07,582 --> 00:15:09,332
I'm going away with him.
345
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,550
Good. Have fun.
346
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,135
This could lead to
marriage, you know.
347
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,648
Probably will. Oh?
348
00:15:13,672 --> 00:15:15,237
Probably nothing
will lead to marriage.
349
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:16,372
Great.
350
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,107
We'll be Diane and Derek Malone.
351
00:15:18,176 --> 00:15:21,443
We'll buy a spread somewhere
and call it "The Double D."
352
00:15:21,512 --> 00:15:23,557
It'll make a nice brand.
353
00:15:23,581 --> 00:15:25,014
Children!
354
00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:27,700
We'll have blond, blue-eyed
children everywhere.
355
00:15:27,769 --> 00:15:29,497
Have them brush
after every meal.
356
00:15:29,521 --> 00:15:30,970
I'll be your sister-in-law.
357
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:33,384
You'll come over for dinner
and say, "She sets a good table,
358
00:15:33,408 --> 00:15:34,874
and she keeps herself up."
359
00:15:34,943 --> 00:15:37,276
Had to say something.
You just fed me.
360
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,131
I'll send you Christmas
cards every year:
361
00:15:41,199 --> 00:15:43,266
"To a wonderful
brother at Christmas."
362
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:45,880
It'll be nice to be
remembered on the holidays.
363
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,770
The cards will
have pictures of us...
364
00:15:47,839 --> 00:15:49,539
Derek and I, the kids, the dogs.
365
00:15:49,607 --> 00:15:52,047
The blond ones will be the kids?
366
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:55,378
This is all right with you?
367
00:15:55,447 --> 00:15:56,624
If you're happy...
368
00:15:56,648 --> 00:15:57,730
I'm ecstatic.
369
00:15:57,799 --> 00:15:58,748
Good-bye.
370
00:15:58,816 --> 00:16:00,161
See you at the wedding.
371
00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:01,729
Do I get to kiss the bride?
372
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,387
I think you know
what you can kiss.
373
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,558
This is it, everyone.
374
00:16:09,627 --> 00:16:11,127
I bid you a fond farewell.
375
00:16:11,196 --> 00:16:13,062
I've enjoyed knowing all of you.
376
00:16:13,131 --> 00:16:15,031
You've brought a lot to my life.
377
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,116
Bye.
378
00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:27,409
Good-bye, everyone.
379
00:16:27,478 --> 00:16:29,412
Bye.
380
00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,716
Farewell.
381
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,513
Would you get
the hell out of here?
382
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,936
Go on!
383
00:16:38,005 --> 00:16:40,390
I won't let it end this way.
384
00:16:43,145 --> 00:16:46,212
I've had warts that
went away quicker.
385
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,551
Ow!
386
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:53,252
What did I hit?
387
00:16:53,321 --> 00:16:54,404
My nose.
388
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,954
You're supposed to knock.
389
00:16:56,023 --> 00:16:57,173
You were coming out
390
00:16:57,242 --> 00:16:59,242
to say something
to me, weren't you?
391
00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:00,311
What is it?
392
00:17:00,345 --> 00:17:01,989
I wasn't going to say anything.
393
00:17:02,013 --> 00:17:03,529
Yes, you were. What was it?
394
00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:04,797
Go to the airport.
395
00:17:04,866 --> 00:17:05,866
Say it.
396
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:06,849
No.
397
00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:08,751
All right, wait here.
398
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,420
Bye, Diane.
399
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,498
Bye.
400
00:17:11,522 --> 00:17:12,688
Bye, honey.
401
00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:13,990
Bye-bye.
402
00:17:18,629 --> 00:17:20,341
That's the blackboard
from the poolroom.
403
00:17:20,365 --> 00:17:21,642
What are you doing with that?
404
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,166
Tell me what you
were going to say,
405
00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:24,300
or you'll be very sorry.
406
00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:26,114
Oh, don't do that. I hate that.
407
00:17:26,138 --> 00:17:27,554
No, no, don't, don't.
408
00:17:27,622 --> 00:17:28,238
Go... no!
409
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:29,239
No!
410
00:17:29,307 --> 00:17:30,573
Sing.
411
00:17:30,642 --> 00:17:32,486
No, don't. I hate
that. Please, stop.
412
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,190
Would you just stop?
Put that down, please.
413
00:17:34,229 --> 00:17:35,261
Just-just put it...
414
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:36,774
Ah, no! All right, all right!
415
00:17:36,798 --> 00:17:38,181
All right, please don't go.
416
00:17:38,249 --> 00:17:39,999
Ask me nice.
417
00:17:40,068 --> 00:17:41,829
Oh, come on,
would you? I mean it.
418
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,347
I deserve that
much. Ask me nice.
419
00:17:43,371 --> 00:17:44,320
All right, all right.
420
00:17:44,388 --> 00:17:46,506
Just-just-just put it down.
421
00:17:46,574 --> 00:17:48,808
Put-put the blackboard down.
422
00:17:48,877 --> 00:17:50,643
Put it down.
423
00:17:54,049 --> 00:17:56,332
Please stay.
424
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,784
Why should I?
425
00:17:57,852 --> 00:17:59,252
Oh. Go on, get out.
426
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,686
Get out, come on.
427
00:18:00,755 --> 00:18:02,955
Hey, I'm not sticking
around here just in the hope
428
00:18:03,024 --> 00:18:05,057
that maybe something
will happen between us.
429
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,159
Well, what is it
you want from me?
430
00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:09,295
I want you to tell
me what you want.
431
00:18:09,364 --> 00:18:10,997
Well, I'll tell you what I want.
432
00:18:11,065 --> 00:18:12,809
I'll tell you exactly
what I want.
433
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:14,350
I want to know what you want.
434
00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:16,536
We're doing it again.
435
00:18:16,605 --> 00:18:18,755
Listen, look...
436
00:18:18,823 --> 00:18:21,223
Will you just explain
one thing to me?
437
00:18:21,292 --> 00:18:24,226
It's very important to me.
438
00:18:24,295 --> 00:18:26,735
Why aren't you with Derek?
439
00:18:26,781 --> 00:18:28,764
Because I like you better.
440
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,151
Oh, Diane, listen.
441
00:18:32,220 --> 00:18:35,988
All the jealousy I felt for
my brother over the years
442
00:18:36,057 --> 00:18:40,776
is nothing to what I felt
these last five minutes.
443
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:44,897
Oh, Sam.
444
00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:49,702
I think we're about
ready to start something
445
00:18:49,771 --> 00:18:51,254
that might be
kind of great, huh?
446
00:18:51,322 --> 00:18:53,857
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
447
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,925
Maybe we should, uh...
448
00:18:55,994 --> 00:18:58,127
kiss or something, huh?
449
00:18:58,196 --> 00:19:01,197
No, we're not
going to just kiss.
450
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:04,912
We're-we're about
to start something.
451
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,786
I mean, a kiss is
where you start, isn't it?
452
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,175
But you don't make
an announcement
453
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,151
when you're about ready to
kiss someone romantically.
454
00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:12,637
No, no, that wasn't
an announcement.
455
00:19:12,661 --> 00:19:15,072
I just didn't want to catch
you off-guard, that's all.
456
00:19:15,096 --> 00:19:17,830
On our first kiss, it's
okay to be off-guard.
457
00:19:17,898 --> 00:19:19,398
You should be swept away.
458
00:19:19,467 --> 00:19:20,677
Well, I was, I was.
459
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,834
Nobody's swept away
460
00:19:21,902 --> 00:19:24,003
when they have
the presence of mind
461
00:19:24,071 --> 00:19:25,904
to say, "Maybe we should kiss."
462
00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:28,453
All right, all right...
463
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:32,222
You're right, you're right.
464
00:19:32,246 --> 00:19:34,291
Uh, all right, when I do it,
465
00:19:34,315 --> 00:19:36,835
I, uh, I won't say anything.
466
00:19:37,452 --> 00:19:41,520
No, no. This
isn't right, either.
467
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:44,423
Hey, I didn't say anything.
468
00:19:44,492 --> 00:19:46,325
I was swept away.
469
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,610
Sam, let's face it.
The moment's not right.
470
00:19:48,679 --> 00:19:51,163
We're-we're-we're too
aware of what we're doing.
471
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,593
All right, all
right. You're right.
472
00:19:52,617 --> 00:19:54,128
You're right. I mean,
this whole thing
473
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,663
is not going the
way it should. No.
474
00:19:55,687 --> 00:19:58,127
Maybe we should just forget
about the kiss and hit the sack.
475
00:20:01,042 --> 00:20:04,760
This is the dumbest
conversation we have ever had.
476
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:09,264
Which means it's the dumbest
conversation that's ever been.
477
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,801
Maybe this whole thing
is just a mistake, huh?
478
00:20:11,869 --> 00:20:13,302
What whole thing?
479
00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:15,651
Well, this, this whole thing
that we're trying to do here.
480
00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:16,756
I mean, every time we try
481
00:20:16,825 --> 00:20:18,357
to get together,
something goes wrong.
482
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,687
I mean, look, look. Just-just
'cause I'm a neat-looking guy
483
00:20:20,711 --> 00:20:22,256
and you're kind of
hungry at the moment,
484
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:23,879
doesn't mean that... Hungry?
485
00:20:23,948 --> 00:20:24,948
Oh, no, no, don't, don't.
486
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,096
No, no, no, listen, listen.
487
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:27,150
What I mean by that is...
488
00:20:27,218 --> 00:20:28,384
You've been here a long time.
489
00:20:28,453 --> 00:20:29,769
Now, if something
were just going
490
00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:32,004
to naturally happen, it
would have happened by now.
491
00:20:32,073 --> 00:20:34,607
It's silly just to try
to make it happen.
492
00:20:34,676 --> 00:20:35,941
Oh, fine!
493
00:20:36,010 --> 00:20:39,612
You tell me this now
that I've let Derek go.
494
00:20:39,681 --> 00:20:41,158
No, don't throw
Derek in my face.
495
00:20:41,182 --> 00:20:42,582
Now, you never cared for Derek.
496
00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:43,950
You just used him to trap me.
497
00:20:44,018 --> 00:20:45,817
Trap you? Yeah, that's right.
498
00:20:45,886 --> 00:20:48,164
I'm the best thing that
could have happened to you,
499
00:20:48,188 --> 00:20:49,833
and you're too
stupid to realize it.
500
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,190
Are you kidding me?
501
00:20:51,259 --> 00:20:53,136
You are the worst thing
that happened to me,
502
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,038
and before you came
here, I was a happy man.
503
00:20:55,062 --> 00:20:56,440
You honestly believe
you were happier
504
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:57,775
before you met me
than you are now?
505
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:58,815
Hell, yes.
506
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:00,583
How do you think it feels
507
00:21:00,652 --> 00:21:03,903
to be attracted to someone
that makes you sick?
508
00:21:10,545 --> 00:21:13,245
I could write a
book on the subject.
509
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,531
You can't shut up long
enough to write a check.
510
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,267
You know, as a matter of
fact, you can't shut up at all.
511
00:21:18,336 --> 00:21:19,780
You are trying to
change the subject.
512
00:21:19,804 --> 00:21:20,837
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
513
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,216
The subject is,
you can't shut up
514
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,250
long enough to kiss me.
515
00:21:23,274 --> 00:21:24,856
Yeah, to save your life,
516
00:21:24,925 --> 00:21:27,593
I bet you couldn't
shut up for 30 seconds.
517
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:28,994
Make it ten.
518
00:21:29,063 --> 00:21:30,441
Oh, I most certainly could.
519
00:21:30,465 --> 00:21:31,897
All right, let's see, huh?
520
00:21:31,966 --> 00:21:33,127
You're going to time me?
521
00:21:33,151 --> 00:21:34,083
Yeah, that's right.
522
00:21:34,152 --> 00:21:35,351
I'm going to time you.
523
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,019
Ten seconds. Starting... now.
524
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:38,832
This is the most moronic...
525
00:21:38,856 --> 00:21:40,389
You want to try again?
526
00:21:42,743 --> 00:21:45,477
I wasn't really trying. You
want to see me do this?
527
00:21:45,546 --> 00:21:47,357
All right, fine.
Starting... now.
528
00:21:47,381 --> 00:21:49,059
This is the craziest thing...
529
00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:50,882
Good, really good.
530
00:21:50,951 --> 00:21:53,336
All right, so I can't do it.
531
00:21:53,405 --> 00:21:55,838
Silence is overrated, anyway.
532
00:21:55,907 --> 00:21:57,768
At least I have
something to say.
533
00:21:57,792 --> 00:21:59,108
Meaning I don't?
534
00:21:59,176 --> 00:22:01,037
The last conversation
I had with Derek...
535
00:22:01,061 --> 00:22:02,061
Oh...
536
00:22:02,096 --> 00:22:04,497
was about walking on the moors,
537
00:22:04,565 --> 00:22:06,009
like Heathcliff and Catherine.
538
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,833
And-and I threw
it all away for this.
539
00:22:07,901 --> 00:22:09,480
Good. I'll tell you what you do.
540
00:22:09,504 --> 00:22:10,780
I'll tell you what you do.
541
00:22:10,804 --> 00:22:12,004
Why don't you...?
542
00:22:12,072 --> 00:22:14,072
Will you get out of here?
543
00:22:14,142 --> 00:22:15,407
Go on!
544
00:22:17,077 --> 00:22:19,645
Take her with you.
Go on. Get out.
545
00:22:24,985 --> 00:22:25,985
Don't you push me.
546
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,336
Loo-look.
547
00:22:27,405 --> 00:22:29,599
Why don't you just,
uh, go find Derek, huh?
548
00:22:29,623 --> 00:22:30,790
Fine.
549
00:22:30,858 --> 00:22:32,269
It shouldn't be too
hard to find him?
550
00:22:32,293 --> 00:22:33,771
Just, uh, follow the
sound of applause.
551
00:22:33,795 --> 00:22:35,405
Maybe I will. Maybe
I can still catch him.
552
00:22:35,429 --> 00:22:36,729
Fine.
553
00:22:36,798 --> 00:22:39,097
And while you're up
there floating around,
554
00:22:39,166 --> 00:22:40,816
remember the day I said this:
555
00:22:40,885 --> 00:22:42,818
You are the
nuttiest, the stupidest
556
00:22:42,887 --> 00:22:44,782
the phoniest
fruitcake I ever met!
557
00:22:44,806 --> 00:22:46,538
You, Sam Malone,
are the most arrogant,
558
00:22:46,607 --> 00:22:48,135
self-centered son of... Shut up!
559
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:49,742
Shut your fat mouth.
560
00:22:49,811 --> 00:22:50,442
Make me.
561
00:22:50,511 --> 00:22:51,394
Make you?
562
00:22:51,463 --> 00:22:52,895
What are you talking about?
563
00:22:52,964 --> 00:22:55,898
I'm-I'm going to bounce you
off every wall in this office!
564
00:22:55,967 --> 00:22:59,001
Try it and you'll be
walking funny tomorrow.
565
00:23:01,339 --> 00:23:03,155
Or shall I say "funnier"?
566
00:23:03,224 --> 00:23:04,723
You know, you know,
567
00:23:04,792 --> 00:23:07,304
I always wanted to pop you one.
568
00:23:07,328 --> 00:23:08,906
Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?
569
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,062
You disgust me.
570
00:23:10,131 --> 00:23:11,297
I hate you.
571
00:23:11,366 --> 00:23:12,709
Are you as turned on as I am?
572
00:23:12,733 --> 00:23:13,733
More.
573
00:23:13,801 --> 00:23:15,067
Bet me.
574
00:23:17,905 --> 00:23:20,907
Here, I'm going to
nibble on your ear.
575
00:23:20,975 --> 00:23:24,543
Don't tell me you're
going to nibble on...